Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Thankful Thursday | Depression...three years on

This month sees the third anniversary of starting medication for depression. It's been a bloody hard three years!  I have had so many ups and downs...more downs than I care to remember.  Last year was my lowest point. I lost all motivation and let a lot of things suffer...our house, my relationships with my family and friends, my work...you name it. I slept all the time, and when I wasn't asleep, I was lying down.

Things came to a head around July. I finally went back to the doctor and he changed my medication.   Six months on, I feel like my head is starting to poke through the depression cloud.

Just after Christmas, I forgot to take my meds for a couple of days.  The first day you forget...you feel pretty good. The second day...you start to get really frickin' agitated. By day three...you're a sobbing mess on the floor who just needs to be in the foetal position.  Clearly, I still need to be on medication.

You may wonder why I'm posting this on Thankful Thursday?  You see...something happened when I restarted my meds. I felt more motivated than I have in a really long time.   I feel the urge to clear out all of the physical clutter in my house, and in turn, this has cleared out a lot of the mental clutter.  I want to live in a tidy environment. I want to get creative again.  I want to have special cuddles with my hubby. I want to play with the kids. It feels really good. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to laugh...yet, yesterday I was laughing my head off in the shower because I accidentally put conditioner under my arms instead of on my head! It was incredibly freeing.

I know I have quite a way to go, and I'm willing to keep working at it. I haven't given up. I just have to remember that it takes time.

For that I am thankful.

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